Deep Thought.

This is a pretty vanilla post so if you'd like to skip this one over, feel free. I just need to rant a little. 

Every time one part of my life seems to be going well, another part of my life is shaken. And the only person that can silence all these thoughts in my head is S. We've been together for over a year now, but I'm still afraid to open up part of myself to him. There's a deep part of me that I'm just super scared about. And I'm 100% sure that he's aware because he's very intuitive about these type of things. He reads me like I'm the world easiest children book. It's unnerving because I feel oh so vulnerable that he can do it. I've shown my crazy to him and he openly accepts it but I still can't seem to talk about what's going on in my head. Every time I go to talk to him I get overwhelmed and nothing comes out of my mouth, which also drives me absolutely mad because you'd think that I'd be able to tell him anything. 

I've slept so little after work yesterday and I can't get to sleep because I have racing thoughts going through my head. I had an absolutely wonderful distraction today with my phenomenal friends but it's really these nights that get me.  That's really all I have to say. I'm such a complete mess right now.