Only One.

My pride gets in the way of seeing him. There are two things he wants me to do if I see him. The first is hard, the second is to beg.  You'd think after being his sub and all, it would be easy to beg for something like that. I told him it makes me feel like an idiot. But if anyone can make me do something I don't want to do without forcing me to, it's him. So I beg, get desperate, and he soaks it up and makes time for me. From how crazy I get over not seeing him, you'd think I'd learn my lesson.

It'll be 2 years at the end of this summer. That's a really long time for me. Our relationship is non-monogamous.  The other day I started wondering if he had another submissive under his wing. It's not against anything we've talked about, I just never really thought about it or bothered to ask him about it. But I did today. And his response was some of the girls he sees are submissive but not his submissive. And the age old question, "Why?" I said I was just wondering, but I was a little surprised because I honestly thought he would have someone else.

Writing Again.

I haven't written in a very long time.
I've been lazy.
I'll be back writing again very soon, promise. (:

My Way.

I'm in one of those moods where I want absolutely my way. I want domination and submission my way.  I want to be spanked, but just for the time, amount, and implement of my choosing.  I am no means a brat, but I really want everything out of my control to be in my control.  To be able to stop time and take the time I need to regroup.

It's early in the morning and I barely slept after working a double yesterday because of New Year's Day family fun-ness. All I want is a strong hand around my neck, slowly tightening, to really lose the idea of being in control in every way possible.

I had a good cry before.  I went through a flurry of feelings, really unexplainable to anyone.  I think I just feel invalidated and it's making me go a little coo-coo.