Deep Thought.

This is a pretty vanilla post so if you'd like to skip this one over, feel free. I just need to rant a little. 

Every time one part of my life seems to be going well, another part of my life is shaken. And the only person that can silence all these thoughts in my head is S. We've been together for over a year now, but I'm still afraid to open up part of myself to him. There's a deep part of me that I'm just super scared about. And I'm 100% sure that he's aware because he's very intuitive about these type of things. He reads me like I'm the world easiest children book. It's unnerving because I feel oh so vulnerable that he can do it. I've shown my crazy to him and he openly accepts it but I still can't seem to talk about what's going on in my head. Every time I go to talk to him I get overwhelmed and nothing comes out of my mouth, which also drives me absolutely mad because you'd think that I'd be able to tell him anything. 

I've slept so little after work yesterday and I can't get to sleep because I have racing thoughts going through my head. I had an absolutely wonderful distraction today with my phenomenal friends but it's really these nights that get me.  That's really all I have to say. I'm such a complete mess right now. 

A Punishment.

*I promised myself I'd get this one posted before I go to bed last night but I got way too tired. Hi there, it's been a long while.  I have all these half written posts and I write and then time flows by and I don't get back to writing about my night with S.  So back to my night with S last night. Just a reminder, this is all consensual.  We play safe and with a safeword.  

I walk over to his place, only 2 blocks away and I ring his bell.  He buzzes me in and as I walk up the stairs, I hear the door buzz again.  I finally get to midway of the last set of stairs and I see him standing in the door post.  I walk up and I stand about a foot and a half in front of him.  All I can think of is how sexy he look in his untucked dress shirt. He steps out, whips me around, and puts me face against the wall and my hands above my head on the wall.  My stomach in now in my throat because I don't know what to expect, not to mention we're still in the hallway/staircase. (Good thing he has the floor to himself.)

I hear him unbuckle his belt. And right after I feel it hit my ass.  He continues to belt me and I moan out in pain, and I try not to be loud.  He stops and wraps the belt around my neck.  I LOVE being choked.  I know it's a huge risk, but I really trust S. He does it once then grabs me by the hair and brings me inside. 

He shuts the door and I drop my bag.  I don't even remember how he starts choking me, but he does and as I start to see my vision go a little, he loosens it. "Take a deep breath." I do and he goes back at it.  He asks me "What happened?" and I'm a little confused at what he's asking me so I don't respond.  The choking continues and he says "I've now asked you 6 times. Talk."  He grabs my hair again and brings me into his bedroom.

"I said talk."  I begin to explain why I was overwhelmed.  He throws me into position and he starts strapping me with the belt again. It has been a while since my last hard spanking, I start to really squirm.  I bite down on the towel on his bed because it's a lot to take.  Without even realizing my hand is on my bottom to rub it. And the second I rub I feel the belt snap across my hand. "Move it now." He says firmly.  I pull my hand back and I rub my sore hand.  

He stops and rubs my bottom. I relax a little.  He gives a little pressure and I wince.  He stops and I hear him pick up the belt. He starts strapping me again.  I slowly begin to float into subspace.  It stops hurting until a lick of the belt gets a small part of my back and a screech out in pain.  

"On your knees."
"Yes sir."

I get on my knees and he pulls down his pants and boxers.  I see his beautiful cock and I happily accept him into my mouth.  I give him some wonderful head and as I rub his cock, he touches my face with both of his hands.

"You are a great sub.  A fantastic sub.  But you understand why you are getting punished right?"
"Yes sir."

He slaps me multiple times. I lose track of how many times because I can't bear to keep track and as I'm about to turn away, he stops.  He looks at me and pushes me down onto the floor.  I'm face down on the floor and he lightly kicks my sides.  I just focus on my breathing and moments later, I hear the belt and I feel it hitting my ass.  I almost wish I had taken a video of it, because I completely broke down.  I was legitimately bawling on the floor as I screamed for him to please stop.

"Do you want me to stop?"
"Yes sir."
"I can't hear you,"
"YES SIR."
"Who's in charge here?"
"You are sir."
"If I don't want to stop, am I going to stop?"
"No sir."
"When am I going to stop?"
"When you want to stop, Sir."
"So if I want to continue, will I continue?"
"Yes sir."

After a few more strokes he stops, and I am a mess on the floor.  He lays on top of me as I shake and cry.  He soothes me for a while and my sobs settle down.

This is about an hour after.  Today the redness has gone down, but it is starting to bruise.  Good thing it's now cooler weather and I can wear clothes to cover it up because I have some marks on my legs.