Total vanilla post, I just need an outlet. Skip over if you want.
My world has just been rocked lately. Besides from not yet hearing back from a job that I've suppose to have gotten, my grandpa's been diagnosed with advanced stage 3 stomach cancer. He's already had his stomach removed and the next course of action is radiation and chemotherapy. I've spent a great deal of time this week at the hospital watching my, seemingly otherwise healthy-looking, grandfather recover from surgery. At least surgery went well, and there are no complications from it.
I'm just feeling so conflicted. My grandfather is 83 years old. He has raised me as much as my parents have, which goes for my sister and all of my cousins. I love him and I want him to live forever. As much as I know that people can't live forever. But at almost 84 years old, I can't seem to agree with the decision to do chemotherapy when he's done with recovering from surgery. I just don't think it would be a good quality of life. My grandmother definitely doesn't know what's going on and my uncle didn't want me to say anything to her about it. So she thinks surgery then chemo will be a cure all. God, I do wish that was the case because then I would be on board. But this is not a fight that I can get myself into. This is not my decision. And that is the only thing I can say to myself every time this comes up in conversation. Even my parents don't really understand what is going on.
I don't know what I'm doing. I don't even know how to feel. I really just don't know.
