Frustrated Rant.

As great as my bdsm/spanking life has been, the other half hasn't been all that great.

My rant is starting with my other half.  It's so frustrating to have graduated college, in a field that is suppose to be booming.  The fact that I only have a part-time job is slowly killing me right now.  I try so hard not to get discouraged by all the people that I knew in college who are working in the field that I should be working in too.  I would never wish them to not be working, but I can't help but wonder when my time will come.  I've honestly been patience enough.

And now, I'll segue back to my bdsm/spanking half.  The three people who know me most know this very part about me.  It was hard taking that initial step and letting it out.  But it's out now and they know what I do with S.  I want to call it a relief, but it's not that easy.  They are non-judging and happy that I'm happy.  The rest of my friends know I'm seeing someone and that we have fun.  Out of those three people, my best friend is also happy that I'm happy but also less supportive than I thought she would be.  I know it's an adjustment because I never given another person as much thought and effort as I have with S.  And I feel as if it's effecting our friendship.  There are a couple other factors, but this is the main one.  It's also hard wanting to talk to her about S and feeling that she doesn't want to actually hear it.  I've asked her if she doesn't want me to talk about him, and she says she doesn't mind, but I don't know if she's trying to appease me.

I'm so comfortable with who I am and what I do.  I didn't think I'd get to this point, or rather I didn't think I'd get here so soon.  As I read things online, I feel so lucky to have found someone who is respectable and knows what he is doing.  Since the beginning of my blogging journey, my needs and wants have shifted.  S could have easily fit my needs/wants then as well as he could fit them now.  Although, I'm not sure if he would've responded to my initial needs.  Anyway, I'm happy with where I am in this area of my life.  And really I can't ask for more.

Holiday Party

Last Saturday, I went to my annual Christmas party with my friends.  A week after I RSVP'd, S had asked me to keep the same day open.  Later, I asked him what his plans were and he said that we were going to a party, which is a story for a different time.  It was a huge conflict for me to choose him over the people I have in my life daily.  I chose him.  I let my friend know that I'd be either leaving her party early or I'd be coming late.  After I got more details, I let her know that I'd be leaving early.  The day of, S let me know that he would be picking me up at her house rather than have me come meet up with him.  My friends know that I'm seeing someone, but most don't know the nature of our relationship because it's not something I'm ready to share with everyone.  By the way I'm dressed they all know I'm leaving, and they're all curious because they know that it was him.  At that point, I had no intentions of bringing him into the house.  A couple hours into the party, he texts me and tells me that he's outside.  I say my goodbyes and people are ready to go outside to take a look at him.  I know he's around the corner so I grab stuff from my car and walk over to his.  I make a comment to him about my friends being interested in him and he asks me if I want him to come inside for a minute.  I think about it for a second, at that moment I decided why not.  I place my stuff in his car and he puts the car in park, turns it off and we walk back to her house so I can introduce him to all my friends.

This has to be the single most outgoing things I've done in a long time.  The relationship I have with S was confined to the four walls of his place until now.  I'm not the type to bring anyone around, much less a person I'm doing d/s with.  Last Saturday is the day that I decided that I'm more invested in this relationship than I thought I would be.  It now really matters to me.  Before S was just someone I was doing d/s with.  Now he is the dom that I am loyal to.  I realize that I cannot have 2 d/s relationships, even though before I thought that I could. I trust him to take me to places I'd never be able to go by myself.