Saturday, July 21, 2012

Tequila Mockingbird.

Oh my God, I have a killer headache.  I open my eyes and I realize that I didn't make it home. Ugh crap, I'm in his bed.  Speaking of, where is he?  And how much did I actually drink last night?  I guess a lot if I don't remember how I ended up here. Shit. I had a tab running, did I even get my credit card back?  I see my purse so I grab it and I rummage through it for my wallet.  I find my wallet and my credit card is there, thank God.

I walk into his bathroom and I realize that I'm not wearing what I wore last night.  I'm in one of his shirts.  I sheepishly smile.  Mhmm, it smells like him. Where are my clothes anyway?  Last night is such a blur.

I hear keys jingle, and the lock click.  He's back.

I squeeze some toothpaste on his toothbrush, stick it in my mouth and brush my teeth.  By the time I finish brushing my teeth, he's standing at the doorway of the bathroom, looking at me.

"Good afternoon, my little lush." He says, while we move back to his bedroom.

I blush. "It's already the afternoon? Oh boy."

"Oh boy is right.  It is the afternoon.  Do you remember anything from last night?"  He asks.

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

This Moment.

I don't know where this post is coming from or where it is leading but bear with me.

Right now, in this moment, I feel.  I choose to be the uncertainty that I fear the most.  I am asking myself what I want.  I know I am a responsible person who will inevitably make the right decision because it is the adult thing to do.  And at times I HATE that about myself.  I wonder where the carefree person that I used to be went.   The best part is, I don't even have real responsibilities yet.  I'm frustrated.  I don't even know how to express it.

I have always know the next step to take.  After high school, it was clearly going to college.  But now college is done, where do I go from here?  Previously, it was getting a job, living my life, finding a man, getting my masters, getting married, and probably having kids.  But does it happen that way. Probably not.  Life cannot be planned out, it happens as it pleases.  Like I always say, shit happens then you die.

And now, where does all this spanking stuff come into play? I don't have a freaking clue.  I haven't talked to B in a while, maybe talking to him will help.  Being older than me, he must have some experience in this area.  He kind of mentioned it the last time I saw him.

Ugh, I don't know what I'm doing or really what I'm talking about, it is much to late to be coherently writing. Which means that I'm off to bed.  Good night.