Wide Awake.

I came clean to my best friend, M.  Well not really came clean but I talked to her about B.

All the other stuff is just to personal for me to talk about.  I mean she won't judge me, but I can't bring myself to talk about it with her.  Not yet at least.  I'll probably get there, eventually.

I told her that I meet B online, which I did.  I told her how old he is, 11 years my senior.  That I've been to his place.  How I felt uncomfortable because he paid for my meals even though I know I can pay for myself.  I might have been a couple drinks deep when I initiated conversation with M but she is my best friend and I need her on board.  Well at least that I'm talking to/seeing B.

She had a couple questions and I answered them honestly.  She did say that I didn't have to answer if I didn't want to, but she's my best friend I can't not answer her questions. I don't know how much she'll remember in the morning because we were having this conversation at 3 am in front of a McDonald's in the city then again at 5:30am.  But I said we would talk about it over breakfast in the morning.

I can't grasp how she took all of it though.  I asked her a couple times and she said that she was happy for me.  And that she just wants me to be happy.  But I can't help but feel that she's holding something back.  To top it off, I feel kind of really guilty that I didn't tell her sooner.  It's been about 6 weeks since I've first talked to him and I've meet with B for the first time about a month ago. Argh, it's all a huge mind fuck right now.  I can't even seem to fall asleep.  I guess I'll wait a couple hours and see where our conversation goes.