My Way.

I'm in one of those moods where I want absolutely my way. I want domination and submission my way.  I want to be spanked, but just for the time, amount, and implement of my choosing.  I am no means a brat, but I really want everything out of my control to be in my control.  To be able to stop time and take the time I need to regroup.

It's early in the morning and I barely slept after working a double yesterday because of New Year's Day family fun-ness. All I want is a strong hand around my neck, slowly tightening, to really lose the idea of being in control in every way possible.

I had a good cry before.  I went through a flurry of feelings, really unexplainable to anyone.  I think I just feel invalidated and it's making me go a little coo-coo.

Hurt Me.

I had asked him for a spanking.  And I let him know I was going to be by him and a time frame of when I'd be free.  He told me to text him as I was getting ready to go back home.

"I think I'll be done around 8 tonight."
"That's better.  Would you like me to hurt you?"
"Yes sir. Please."

"Ok."

"I just wrapped up with my friends.  Should I head towards you?"
"Yes come over."

15 minutes later, I ring his bell.

"Make yourself at home.  I'll be busy for a little."

And he buzzes me up.

I peel my jacket and sweater off and plug my phone in.  I lay down on the couch, and I dozed off.  I wake up startled when he called out my name.  He realized that he had just woken me up from sleeping and apologizes for scaring me.  He told me to come to him when I was ready.  I sit dazed for a couple minutes.  I get myself together and walk into his room.

"Are you ready or do you need a couple more minutes?"
"I'm ready."

He spanks me a couple times then he walks over to get his flogger.  He asked if I want to be spanked or flogged.  I, of course, said I want to be spanked.  I'm not sure if he hears me, but he started flogging me.  I thank him for it and he asked how hard it was on a scale of 1-10.  I tell him it was a 4.  He continues, and he starts to come down on me harder. I start squirming, the pain is so bad, but also so good.

"Do you think you can handle 50 spanks?"
"I don't know."
"I want you to count every one of them."
"Yes sir."

I start counting them and compared to the flogger it wasn't bad at all.  They progressively get worse.  By the mid-30's, my ass is aching and it seems like he was going at a super speed.  I don't get a chance to thank him and that was the first comment he made as soon as we got to 50.

"I didn't hear a single thank you for from. I beat you like you ask, and not one for the 50 I just gave you.  If my hand wasn't hurting, I'd give you more with my hand."
"I'm sorry sir.  Thank you sir.  Thank you for spanking me."
"Oh, just you wait..."

He picks the flogger back up and starts flogging my ass with.  Soon, I am floating slowly into a peaceful state of mind.  Then the flogger starts to wrap around to my hip, leaving me with a stinging feeling.  I want him to stop so bad, but I also want him to continue.  With more squirming and me ferociously grabbing onto his pillow and comforter, he stops and asked if I had enough.  I say I wanted more, so he continues even harder with his flogger.

"Would you like more?"
"Yes sir."
"Really?"
"Yes."
"Oh you are going to get it."
I heard him walking, so I turned to him.
"Close your eyes."
"Yes sir."

I hear him rummaging through his toy chest.  I don't know what I should be expecting.  He comes back and whacks me right across my entire bottom.

"It's your favorite."
"Ah, nooooo."
"Did I just hear a no?"
"No sir."

He continues paddling me and I started shifting my legs and squirming.  But with one "stop moving/stay still" I do.  The paddle has never been and never will be an implement I enjoy.  I hate that it's thuddy, and the pain is unbearable.  Well at least when he spanks me with it.  I start to tell him that it's too much. He tells me to start begging for him to stop. I start begging and he doesn't let down.  I try to just absorb the pain, but that doesn't last and I start squirming again.

"Ass down."
"Yes sir."

I say as I groan into the pillow and he starts counting down from 10.  But with him it always changes, so I don't know if it'll be 10 more or he's just counting down.  He counts down and I start to tell him that I can't.  He assures me that I can and reaches zero.  Then I feel the cane.  The cane stings and it's sharp.  Many, many strokes later I'm asking myself why I asked for this.  I start begging again.  He continues and I feel that I may actually start crying. He starts counting down again and I know the end is near.  After he reaches zero he gives me a couple more and he stops.

I can feel my bottom throbbing.  I reach and rub.  I'm still bent over on the bed and he comes up behind me and hugs me from behind.  I sink deeper into the bed from the weight of his body.  He bites me and I scream out.

As soon as he bites me a third time, he starts squeezing my ass.  I didn't think anything would hurt worse than the beating I just got, but I feel like I'm going to see stars.  I scream out, and I try to get him to stop.  He tells me that he has to and continues to squeeze.  I still beg him to stop, but he says that I can cry if I need to.  Soon enough he stops and I stay limp on the bed.

"Is that what you needed?"
"Yes sir."
"I haven't beat anyone like that in over 2 years."
He says with a smile in his voice.

This is 2.5 hours after.  I don't really stay red or bruise after long beatings/spankings.  But he did a number on me. There is no doubt that this will bruise.

Rough Play.

Disclaimer: This post contains contents that are sexually graphic/degrading in nature.  If it isn't your cup of tea, please skip.  Thanks.

Part II.

While my ears were still ringing, he started to count down the seconds I had to answer the question. I was disoriented and I said I didn't know what an appropriate message was and he gave me a look. 

"If you don't pick one before I count down to one, you're going to lose you're reward."
"Uh, can I please have just a message?"

I laid on my stomach and he gave me a message. After he finished he told me to flip over on my back so I did. He got on top of me facing my legs and started playing with my clit. I was on overdrive, and I couldn't contain myself. 

"I've barely played with you for 10 seconds and you're ready to come?"
He goes to bite my thigh and I call out. 
"Sir, I need to wear a bikini tomorrow."
"Ok. If you come before I say you can, there will be serious consequences. You will cry."

I started to beg to come and he kept denying me. Soon enough he dipped two fingers into my dripping sex and had me arching. 

"I don't hear you asking. You better not come without permission."
"Sir pleasssse."

He teased my g-spot and I started begging even harder. At the right moment, he allowed me to come. 

Currently Unattached.

Every time I have been asked about what I want, I freeze.  Even if I knew what I wanted, I've never been good at asking for what I want.  Even if it's a simple question like "What do you want for your birthday?"

I now know what I want and I'm more than willing to ask for what I want.  I'm not with anyone right now, meaning in a relationship.  I've recently realized that I want to be with someone, particularly in a long term relationship. (I can't believe I just said that.)  I consider myself independent.  I am more than capable of making my own decisions.  But you're asking where spanking come into play, right?  There's this minuscule part of me that just wants to be told what to do, and when to do it.  Well, really for the less important decision of my life.  God, I sound like a contradiction.

I've come up with 5 general things that I'm looking for.

1. Respect: I may be sassy. I may disagree with you. But I'll respect you.  I ask for the same.
2. Trustworthy: I'm trusting you with my safety, please respect my limits.
3. Consistent: Always follow through please.  I can't say I'll always be well-behaved, but isn't this the reason we both agreed to this? (:
4. Honesty: The truth is easy.  Lying may be easier, but getting caught up in a lie never works out for the better.
5. Time: Life happens.  Wake up and good night texts everyday, unnecessary.  Seeing you everyday, probably impossible.  But seeing you once a month, with a text not even once a week, unacceptable. Let's compromise somewhere in between please.