Rocked World

Total vanilla post, I just need an outlet.  Skip over if you want.

My world has just been rocked lately. Besides from not yet hearing back from a job that I've suppose to have gotten, my grandpa's been diagnosed with advanced stage 3 stomach cancer.  He's already had his stomach removed and the next course of action is radiation and chemotherapy.  I've spent a great deal of time this week at the hospital watching my, seemingly otherwise healthy-looking, grandfather recover from surgery.  At least surgery went well, and there are no complications from it.

I'm just feeling so conflicted.  My grandfather is 83 years old. He has raised me as much as my parents have, which goes for my sister and all of my cousins.  I love him and I want him to live forever.  As much as I know that people can't live forever.  But at almost 84 years old, I can't seem to agree with the decision to do chemotherapy when he's done with recovering from surgery.  I just don't think it would be a good quality of life.  My grandmother definitely doesn't know what's going on and my uncle didn't want me to say anything to her about it.  So she thinks surgery then chemo will be a cure all.  God, I do wish that was the case because then I would be on board.  But this is not a fight that I can get myself into.  This is not my decision.  And that is the only thing I can say to myself every time this comes up in conversation.  Even my parents don't really understand what is going on.

I don't know what I'm doing. I don't even know how to feel.  I really just don't know.

Tickets Schmi-kets

As I drive to his place, I try to think of how to explain to him what happened.  Because no matter what I say,  I'm going to end up over his knee or the bed for a spanking. Damn it, I knew I shouldn't have, but I did anyway.

Earlier that day:

I had been driving home from work and I had gotten a text from my best friend.  I hadn't talked to her in days so without thinking I opened the text and she was asking if she could call me.  So, I picked up the phone and called her, but I realized as I pressed send and put it on speaker that there were flashing lights behind me and my first thought was "Oh shit" and hung up the phone.  I pulled over and the officer came to my window and asked for my license, insurance, and registration.  As I handed it over, he asked if I knew what I did wrong.  I told him that I was using my phone, and he said that was why he pulled me over.  He checked my information and proceeded to write me a ticket.

I find parking and I ring his buzzer.  He lets me in and my stomach is in knots.  I really don't know how to bring it up.  He opens the door and immediately knows that there's something I need to tell him.

"Hey, you. What's up?" he says.

I give him a look back and I don't say anything.

He replies with, "Well, I know you have something to say to me, so spit it out.  If it's bad you know that it'll only be worse if you don't tell me right away."

I sigh and I say "I'm kind of in trouble..."  He continues to look at me with demanding eyes.  "I was maybe calling M while driving."

He looks really mad, like he's going to pop his lid mad.  "What is one of your very few rules?" he asks.

And I reply with "Don't use your phone while you're driving... Oh, and there's a little more to that story."

His eyes get bigger and I say "I got pulled over and I got a ticket."

"My goodness. Young lady, we have been misbehaving haven't we?  I want you to stand in the corner of my room.  I want you to think about what you did." He responded in a disappointed tone.

All I can manage to say is "Yes sir."  I don't regret much, but this is something I regret doing.

I walk to his room and put my nose in a corner.  I don't know how much time has passed but I hear him walk into the room.  I know better than to turn around so I stay put.

He comes up behind me, grabs the base of my hair and makes me look in his eyes.

"Have you had enough time to think about what you've done?"

"Yes.... I'm sorry." I say.

"And you will be. Bend over the bed." he replies with a cool voice.

His bed is high so when I bend over, I'm on my tippy toes. And I hear his take his belt off.  My heart starts to race.  I turn to look at him and he has a no non-sense look on his face which means I will not be able to plead with him.  So I bury my face into his comforter.

Within a couple seconds, I feel the belt crack right across my sit spot and I grit my teeth. 9 more come flying down, tears are coming down my face, and my reflex kicks in and I swing my hands back to rub.

"What do you think you are doing? he demanded.

"I-I-I-I'mmmm sooooorrrrryy. I couldn't help *hiccup* myself. If you could pleasssse restrain meee." I sob.

"Nope, I don't think so. This is your punishment.  You've been such a bad girl.  You cannot put in requests on how you receive your discipline.  Now put your hands away. If they cover your bottom again, I'm going to add extra strokes." He says sternly.

"Yessss sirrrrrrrr." I respond and I place my hands under my belly.  I grab the comforter tight and he continues.  I count up to 20 before I lose count because the pain is too hard to bear and he stops.

He places the belt on his nightstand and tells me to stand.

I stand up, sniffling and avoid looking in his eyes.  He stands in front of me, places his hand on my chin, and makes me look at him.

"Are you ever going to do that again?"

"No." I whisper.

"Excuse me, I didn't hear you."

"No sir." I say in a louder tone.

"Good girl. You took that spanking well." He says and he pulls me in for a hug.

Playing Chess.

I have been working on some stuff, but I just wanted to give little update.  I've met someone new.  I don't know where it's headed though.  We met for the first time today and I am as comfortable as I can be with meeting someone for the first time.  Conversation flowed, I think.  Which in it of itself, is a feat for me because I'm on the shy side.  I haven't had a serious contender in almost a year now.  But I don't want to get my hopes up.  Because if I get to excited, and then figure out that it won't work in a little, I'll be bummed out.  He's much more in tuned with this thing we do, and if all goes well and we start discipline and playing together, I hope that I can learn from him.  But that's all for now. (:

Run Down.

It's late, and I have to be up early to make it to a show with an old friend.  I'm actually glad that I'm busy tomorrow, because if I wasn't I'm sure I'd sulk around my house all day.  It's not very common, but I'm just having a difficult past couple days.  Honestly, I wish I had someone who could spank it out of me. I guess I need to get out there more often.

Cleaning Aftermath.

Disclaimer: This post contains a story sexual in nature.  If it isn't your cup of tea, please skip. Thanks.

As I go to stand in the corner, he gets up and walks into our bedroom.  I'm tempted to rub because I have never felt my bottom like this before, but I don't want to risk getting caught.  So I don't.

I hear him stirring about in the room and I hope that was all for punishment because I don't know if I can take any more.  10 minutes pass and he walks back into the living room and sits down on the couch.

"Babe, come here." he says.

I turn around and he has a bottle of lotion next to him and I'm so relieved.

I straddle him and cringe while I do it.  I say, "Babe, I'm sorry.  I truly am.  I know I never kept anything from you. And I promise I will never keep anything from you, ever."

He responds with, "Lay over my lap so I can rub some lotion on your behind."

I go over his lap and he puts the cool lotion over my bottom and gently rubs it in.  As he rubs it in with his hand, I feel his other hand reach between my thighs.

"Huh, what do we have here? Naughty girl, so wet."  He says as he sticks two fingers in me and I start to feel his arousal beneath me.

I can't help but blush.  As he slowly moves his fingers in and out of me, I start to move my hips.  I can't concentrate and my breathing gets heavy.

Then suddenly he pulls his fingers right out and says "Oh, no.  I don't think so. I know you feel me underneath you.  I want you to do something about that."

I scramble to my feet then kneel between his legs.  I pull his pants down and let his engorged member free.  I cup his boys, look up at his eyes and watch him as I take him into my mouth.  I slowly start to move up and down, picking up speed as I go.  I hear him moan and he starts to push my head down. And I melt because it turns me on when he takes charge.

He starts to stand up, so I move with him.  He then says, "I want to lay on the arm of the couch, I'm going to take you from behind."

I lay on the arm of the couch and within a couple seconds he slams into my cervix, making me groan out loud.  He reaches under my shirt and cups my boobs and continues to pound into me.  Just as I'm about to come, he says "Come with me."

We both come and lay in silence for a few minutes. He flips me around and gives me a kiss and says, "I know you're sorry.  And I know that spanking was hard to take.  All is forgiven.  So, what do you want for breakfast?"