Deep Thought.

This is a pretty vanilla post so if you'd like to skip this one over, feel free. I just need to rant a little. 

Every time one part of my life seems to be going well, another part of my life is shaken. And the only person that can silence all these thoughts in my head is S. We've been together for over a year now, but I'm still afraid to open up part of myself to him. There's a deep part of me that I'm just super scared about. And I'm 100% sure that he's aware because he's very intuitive about these type of things. He reads me like I'm the world easiest children book. It's unnerving because I feel oh so vulnerable that he can do it. I've shown my crazy to him and he openly accepts it but I still can't seem to talk about what's going on in my head. Every time I go to talk to him I get overwhelmed and nothing comes out of my mouth, which also drives me absolutely mad because you'd think that I'd be able to tell him anything. 

I've slept so little after work yesterday and I can't get to sleep because I have racing thoughts going through my head. I had an absolutely wonderful distraction today with my phenomenal friends but it's really these nights that get me.  That's really all I have to say. I'm such a complete mess right now. 

A Punishment.

*I promised myself I'd get this one posted before I go to bed last night but I got way too tired. Hi there, it's been a long while.  I have all these half written posts and I write and then time flows by and I don't get back to writing about my night with S.  So back to my night with S last night. Just a reminder, this is all consensual.  We play safe and with a safeword.  

I walk over to his place, only 2 blocks away and I ring his bell.  He buzzes me in and as I walk up the stairs, I hear the door buzz again.  I finally get to midway of the last set of stairs and I see him standing in the door post.  I walk up and I stand about a foot and a half in front of him.  All I can think of is how sexy he look in his untucked dress shirt. He steps out, whips me around, and puts me face against the wall and my hands above my head on the wall.  My stomach in now in my throat because I don't know what to expect, not to mention we're still in the hallway/staircase. (Good thing he has the floor to himself.)

I hear him unbuckle his belt. And right after I feel it hit my ass.  He continues to belt me and I moan out in pain, and I try not to be loud.  He stops and wraps the belt around my neck.  I LOVE being choked.  I know it's a huge risk, but I really trust S. He does it once then grabs me by the hair and brings me inside. 

He shuts the door and I drop my bag.  I don't even remember how he starts choking me, but he does and as I start to see my vision go a little, he loosens it. "Take a deep breath." I do and he goes back at it.  He asks me "What happened?" and I'm a little confused at what he's asking me so I don't respond.  The choking continues and he says "I've now asked you 6 times. Talk."  He grabs my hair again and brings me into his bedroom.

"I said talk."  I begin to explain why I was overwhelmed.  He throws me into position and he starts strapping me with the belt again. It has been a while since my last hard spanking, I start to really squirm.  I bite down on the towel on his bed because it's a lot to take.  Without even realizing my hand is on my bottom to rub it. And the second I rub I feel the belt snap across my hand. "Move it now." He says firmly.  I pull my hand back and I rub my sore hand.  

He stops and rubs my bottom. I relax a little.  He gives a little pressure and I wince.  He stops and I hear him pick up the belt. He starts strapping me again.  I slowly begin to float into subspace.  It stops hurting until a lick of the belt gets a small part of my back and a screech out in pain.  

"On your knees."
"Yes sir."

I get on my knees and he pulls down his pants and boxers.  I see his beautiful cock and I happily accept him into my mouth.  I give him some wonderful head and as I rub his cock, he touches my face with both of his hands.

"You are a great sub.  A fantastic sub.  But you understand why you are getting punished right?"
"Yes sir."

He slaps me multiple times. I lose track of how many times because I can't bear to keep track and as I'm about to turn away, he stops.  He looks at me and pushes me down onto the floor.  I'm face down on the floor and he lightly kicks my sides.  I just focus on my breathing and moments later, I hear the belt and I feel it hitting my ass.  I almost wish I had taken a video of it, because I completely broke down.  I was legitimately bawling on the floor as I screamed for him to please stop.

"Do you want me to stop?"
"Yes sir."
"I can't hear you,"
"YES SIR."
"Who's in charge here?"
"You are sir."
"If I don't want to stop, am I going to stop?"
"No sir."
"When am I going to stop?"
"When you want to stop, Sir."
"So if I want to continue, will I continue?"
"Yes sir."

After a few more strokes he stops, and I am a mess on the floor.  He lays on top of me as I shake and cry.  He soothes me for a while and my sobs settle down.

This is about an hour after.  Today the redness has gone down, but it is starting to bruise.  Good thing it's now cooler weather and I can wear clothes to cover it up because I have some marks on my legs.

Missing Serving.

I haven't seen S in 5 weeks. We're both swamped. My birthday is coming up, so I asked for a birthday spanking for the next time I see him.  I think he has other plans for my birthday though.  But honestly, all I want is a spanking from him and to serve him.

5 weeks have gone by and it's honestly been rough for me at times.  I let him know every so often and he does try to ease me.  This past week, he asked when I was free and after I responded, he didn't get back to me.  3 days ago, I sent him an email with some feelings and thoughts.  I didn't blog about the one night we had about 2 months ago.  I don't know if I ever will.  But it was a seriously limit pushing night.  And up until the other day, I wasn't over it.  But with some self-realization and a lot of thought put into it, I'm finally okay.  I let him know along with a couple other petulant thoughts I had.  His responded to everything I wrote out, which is unlike him.  He's more of a talker in person than in writing, unlike me.  He, then, ended it with "You are a great sub. Relax." Which puts my mind completely at easy.

In Between

My life, with an addition to a new full-time job, has gotten so extremely busy.  Working nights makes it even harder to do everything I want.  I saw S on 2 Thursday's ago, so here's a recap of our night.

I pick him up from the train station and we are both exhausted.

"I'm so tired, I'm not going to be a great dom tonight."
"That's fine."
"I can lay in bed and you can suck my cock."
"Okay."
"There's a parking spot right there."
"Oh perfect."
"Are you saying I'm perfect?"
"Yeah, sure."
"You're patronizing me."

We walk up into his place and I put my stuff down. He says hi to his fish.  I follow him around his place for a little.  We end up in his bedroom.  He lays down and puts the tv on and I settle down between his legs and start giving him a blow job.  As he grows harder and harder in my mouth, it gets me excited and so wanton. After a short period of time, he asks if I've been sleeping around with anyone lately and I tell him no. I continue to give him great head.

"When did you last touch yourself?"
"The other night."
"What were you thinking about?"
"Getting spanked."
"Take your clothes off. Stand up over there and touch yourself.  Under no circumstances are you to stop."

I stand up and do as he says. He asks if I came when I touched myself the other day.  I tell him that I did.  He has me lay over the side of the bed with my feet on the floor.

"Do not stop touching yourself."
"Yes sir."

He starts spanking me and I don't stop touching myself.  He asks if I want more and I say yes.  He asks with an implement or with his hand and I ask for more of his hand.  He gives me more and stops. I hear him rummaging through his dresser and I hear him rip open a condom.  He positions my hips to where he wants me and he enters me from behind.  I can't stop moaning because it feels completely amazing. Not long after, I ask him if I can come and he allows me to.  He asks if I want more and I say yes.  I feel lube drip onto my asshole and I know he's going to enter my behind.  I brace myself.  He re-positions me and he enters me slowly from behind.  I moan out because it feels so amazing.  He starts pounding me and what feels like moments later I'm begging to come again.  Meanwhile, I haven't stopped touching myself and I feel myself getting even wetter.  I continue begging and he tells me to come, and I come extremely hard.

I lay on the bed for a couple minutes then I excuse myself to the bathroom. When I walk back, I see him touching himself, and I know he wants me to tell him a story.  I brace myself.  I give him a hot story and he comes fast.

He asks if I wanted to spend the night, I think about it for a hot second because we haven't seen each other too often but I made plans for Friday morning and I won't crush plans because of him.  So I told him I wasn't.  He asked me if I was okay to leave.  From the rush of endorphin and the bit or soreness from the rough sex, I tell him I'll stay for a little.  He falls asleep and I end up taking a cat nap.  I give him a kiss good night and I leave a couple hours later.

Surprise Baby.

"Hi there."
"Hi."
"What are you up to? Talk to me."
"I'm hopping on the plane to Vegas with a couple friends."
"Ah, where are you staying?"
"I think Caeser's. Yeah, it's Caeser's.  What are you up to?"
"I just got out of a business meeting.  I'm exhausted.  I just wanted to see how you were and what you were up to."
"Aww, that's sweet.  I'm great, but I gotta get going, the plane's going to take off soon."
"Okay, text me when you get to the hotel."
"I will. Kisses."

15 minutes later, the planes takes off and I swiftly fall asleep.

"Cee, wake up.  We've landed."

I grab my stuff together and think about texting him.  I miss him, he's been away on business for two weeks and it's the first time I've heard his voice in over 5 days.  I love what I have with him, but I hate that sometimes I don't see him for weeks at a time.  As we starting exiting the plan I turn my phone on and text him.

"Miss you sir."

I throw my phone back into my bag and we start walking towards baggage claim.  As we waited for our checked bags, I feel my phone vibrate.

"Miss you to baby.  I know it's been a while, I'll see you soon.  I promise. Oh and don't forget, I'll text me when you get there."

We get all of our bags and we get into a taxi and the drive is only 15 minutes.  We unload and walk through until we reach check-in.  I grab my phone and I text him and tell him we're checking in.

"You're cute as a button."
"Oh stop, you're making me blush."
"No, really, you look cute in what you're wearing."
"Huh?"
"Look over to your 5 o'clock."

I immediate turn around and there he is, smiling and looking gorgeous in a suit.  I drop my stuff and I run over to hug him.